Remember When

All those years ago we ran alone
Because the other kids just ran away.
We were the freaks hanging upside down
The ones who saw the world through twisted minds

It was so clear to those of age that we were special
We were the ones that had potential
But we grew up doubting, never believing
Because we could only hear one voice

Telling us we were too different
We were strange and that wasn't okay.
We weren't wearing the right clothes
And we'd never be enough.

That voice kept repeating
Inside our heads, till it's all we heard
And all we believed

We gave away our hope,
To the bottom feeders and low-life's that pretended to love us.
To anyone that listened.

We were desperate and alone
The masters of melancholy

All because we believed,
Believed in those that tore us down
And ignored the ones that showed us praise,
As few as they were,
Because deep down inside we knew

That only in fairy tales does the king find his queen,
And the pauper becomes the prince.
Only in movies does the nice guy win the girl
And only in stories does the loner find a friend.

We were no story, just regular kids
Thrown aside for someone better
And we grew up believing, in all the wrong things

To this day,
Nobody criticizes as thoroughly as ourselves
Nobody hates us as well as we've learned how
And when somebody comes along to tell us
That we are good enough,
We pull out our mirror and show them how wrong they are.

Remember when, we saw the world with beauty in our eyes?
We knew that everything would be okay,
Because there was no other option.
Remember when, there was hope in our smiles?

10 Things I want to do

Or maybe I should call it: 8 Things I want to do because they might help me expand my horizons and open up a bit more on my own terms.  Basically this is just a collection of things that terrify me and might help me be a better person.

1. Go to a movie alone.  (I can't even begin to describe the issues I have with even the idea of this)

2.  Go to the store by myself and at least say hi to a few people with a smile.  (Usually I'm just super closed off with a mean look on my face because I hate everyone)

3.  Learn a song on the piano or guitar that I can play for other people.  (no explanations needed here)

4.  Go an entire day without my phone or my computer or T.V.  (this is because I constantly feel the need for some sort of distraction and hours of silence might be nice)

5.  Call one of my Salt Lake friends and go visit them.  (This is just out of my comfort zone but going somewhere that makes me uncomfortable with people I'm not used to seeing anymore will help me be more adventurous) 

6.  Listen more instead of talking (This doesn't scare me but I am working on it)

7.  Tell a new person every week how much they mean to me.  (I don't like to express that type of thing, at least not without a lot of sarcasm and joking)

8.  Go on a few walks by myself.  (I love walking with other people but I usually get so uncomfortable and stiff that I can't enjoy myself when I'm alone.  Partly because I only like walks at night and that makes me feel like everybody I pass is worried that I'm a mugger, and partly because I'm self conscious)

Well there you go, 8 things that scare the living hell out of me.  I hated making this list and I seriously wonder how I will ever do some of them.  But oh well, it's something to work toward.  If you have anything like this that gives you anxiety, then leave a comment fools!